My Privilege
by Stresses
Summary: Both Barry and Ronnie reflect on their relationship with Caitlin after the events in episodes 13 and 14. Barry is jealous of Ronnie and Caitlin's relationship and Ronnie needs Barry to promise him something important. SnowStorm, SnowBarry. Angst. Still a bigger SnowBarry shipper though. Fifth chapter in my story Princess Snow as well.


**My most sincere apologies. I know I haven't updated recently, but I was held back by a higher power. School.**

**I decided to combine episodes 13 and 14. Things have become complicated now that Ronnie's back in the picture. But I still support SnowBarry 100% even if it might be a long shot. **

**This chapter has a lot of SnowStorm so don't be too mad.**

Ronnie stood to the side of the room observing Caitlin as she enthusiastically conversed with Clarrisa Stein. She was smiling brightly at the other woman despite the unfortunate set of circumstances they were in. Since his return to the land of the sane, Ronnie had noticed something different in his fiancé. Caitlin had changed in the time that he was _away_ because that's how they both like to describe his absence as simply him being away. But he had indeed noticed a shift in Caitlin, a shift for the better.

When he had first meet Caitlin nearly two years prior, she had been extremely reserved. She only spoke when spoken too and never discussed anything more than the work they were doing**. **Her walls were built strong and sturdy and Ronnie had a field day trying to break them down, but he was determined to get behind her defences and see who the true Caitlin Snow was. It took many months of casually dropping by her office to "discuss" work and constant pestering on his part before Caitlin actually warmed up to him.

Ronnie still remembered the day he first heard her laugh. It was just a regular Tuesday morning at STAR Labs and they were at the pre work day briefing. As usual Hartley was front and center strutting around as if he were Dr. Wells himself, issuing orders and making snide comments along the ways. Caitlin was standing right beside him as they listened to their miniature dictator speak, with her shoulder brushing against his. He revelled in warmth. To this day Ronnie can't recall the exact words he said but he remembered leaning over and whispering something into her ear. He remembered seeing her chocolate brown eyes widen in scandal before a broad smile spread across her angelic face. The next thing Ronnie knew she was laughing softly, her entire body shaking from the restrained giggles and his entire world stopped.

It wasn't like anything he had ever heard before. In that moment Ronnie had memorised the sound, storing it away in the deepest part of his subconscious in a file marked, "_Life Altering". _He felt a sense of utter triumph spread through his entire being. He imagined this was what winning a noble prize felt like. It was that significant to him. He had broken down Caitlin's walls, one brimstone at a time until she was completely bare to him. He vowed at the very second that she stopped laughing that he would consider himself the luckiest man in the world if he could spend the rest of his day making her laugh.

When they officially started dating the shift in Caitlin's demeanour was clear as day. She smiled more in the lab, interacted more with the other scientist and when out more often. Ronnie felt the pride swell in his chest knowing that he was the cause of her renewal.

Even Dr. Wells had commented on Caitlin's transformation. Ronnie remembered that conversation in great detail.

"You're good for her." Dr. Wells had told him suddenly one day while they were privately discussing the schematics of the particle accelerator.

"What?" Ronnie had replied suddenly confused.

"You and Caitlin." Dr. Wells clarified, "Usually I don't condone work place romances but you two bring out the best in each other."

"Thank you Dr. Wells." he had replied with a massive grim that would have permanently etched on his face for the entire day.

At the time Ronnie hadn't understood why Dr. Wells had suddenly decided to tell him that but he understood now. Caitlin was the ice to his fire. While he was extravagant and over the top in life she was subdued and sensible. She would stare him back home when he went off course. They fed off each other strengthening the other.

The Caitlin Ronnie saw now was very much like the Caitlin he knew back then; the only difference was that she wasn't just open to him. The Caitlin he saw in private was now the Caitlin that everyone saw. She beamed at everyone and laughed and talked like if her entire world hadn't fell apart mere months ago. Ronnie knew he would forever live with the guilt of abandoning her for those nine months but he lived with the peace of mind that he would have the rest of his life to make it up to her.

Ronnie guessed he had Barry to thank for getting Caitlin through the tough times while he wasn't there. He saw how Caitlin and Barry interacted with each other. If he wasn't so secure in his relationship with Caitlin he might have gotten jealous at their closeness. Barry understood what Caitlin had been going through in a way he couldn't. Ronnie never experienced severe loss in his life. The closest thing that could be compared to tragic loss in his life was his time spent without Caitlin but he still knew she was safe and alive, so it wasn't that comparable in the end.

"I don't know what we did in this life or the previous to deserve them." Dr. Stein said coming up behind Ronnie and waking him from his musing, "This world has richly blessed us Ronald."

The truth of Dr. Stein's was so profound that Ronnie didn't bother to correct about the name thing.

"Luckiest bastards ever." was Ronnie's only reply before he turned to gaze at Caitlin again who was now talking to Cisco.

On the other side of the room near to the open patio doors Barry stood doing some observing of his own. His eyes rested on Caitlin. Since discovery of what really happened to Ronnie and Dr. Stein Barry had noticed a change in his friend. The Caitlin he had gotten to know over the past few months had been replaced with the cold, reserved woman. The same woman who he had meet the first few days after he had woken up from his coma that never smiled and seemed to be walking around with a rain cloud over her head. But then again Barry couldn't blame Caitlin for acting that way. The ordeals she had gone through rivaled his own tragedy.

He knew the stress of dealing with everything had sent her recoiling into her shells. The walls he had worked so hard in bringing down had been rebuilt and reinforced. But now he could see that her walls had once again been ripped down and thrown away. Barry knew he should be happy for Caitlin but he had sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach when he saw her talking animatedly to Cisco and Clarrisa. He should be ecstatic that Caitlin was happy but he could bring himself to feel that one emotion.

Barry was overjoyed that they had been able to save Ronnie and Dr. Stein but they was something that just rubbed him the wrong way all through this adventure of theirs and he could only guess that it had to with Caitlin and Ronnie.

Ever since he woke up from his coma all those weeks ago Barry had come to see Cisco and Caitlin as his friends and he would even go as far as to say that he considered them family just like Joe and Iris. He had found a younger brother in Cisco, someone he could geek off with and discuss comic books with. He found himself laughing whenever Cisco was around. The guy could brighten the most gloomy atmosphere with his jocose attitude. They had been instant friends from the very start.

Caitlin however, had been a completely different story entirely. From the moment Barry had woken up Caitlin had exuded an air of strict professionalism. It was only by chance that he had noticed she didn't smile too much and had made the comment to her on the runway that day. He honestly was expecting the answer she had given him in reply.

Barry knew what tragedy was. He knew what Caitlin was going through. He had first-hand experience in that area. Their relationship had finally taken a turn for the better the day Dr. Wells mentioned going down into the particle accelerator. He had seen the look of distress on Caitlin's face at the idea of going down there. He knew the feeling of dread that had settled on her bones. He felt the exact same thing every time he thought about going home to his old house.

So being the hero he was, Barry had come to Caitlin's rescue that day and in doing so had started them on the spiral of becoming something closer than friends or siblings. They had become safe havens for the other.

Barry had once thought that Iris was the only person who truly understood him but he now realised that that place had been taken up by Caitlin as of recently. Iris only knew the regular Barry Allen, Barry Allen pre coma. She didn't know Barry Allen post coma. Caitlin knew him however. She was the one who as there after every mission. The one who was there to stitch up his cuts and yell at him for being reckless. She was the one who would praise his good work in the field and offer consolation when a mission when hay wire.

The look of concern in her eyes and the worry that drips from her voice when she tells him to be careful before he leaves the Lab is the fuel that drives his fire when he's out there. The sense of utter relief and calm that permeates from her being when he returns unharmed is the motivation he needs to always make it back to the lab.

Caitlin had become his new rock. His new stronghold and safe heaven. She knew his fears and anxieties more than anyone else because she had lived them too. She understood his sadness because she has had her own, weighing her down too. Iris is no doubt still his best friend but Caitlin has become something much more significant to him over the past months.

Barry considered his relationship with Caitlin to be something he cherished greatly. He loved that he was the only person to make her smile. He took great pride in the fact the he was the one who brought her out of her shell after the explosion.

But as Barry now realised he was not the first person to do that. Ronnie had been there and done those things before. This was why Barry was in such a quandary. He knew he was still in love with Iris but the sight of Ronnie and Caitlin fueled his ire. He hated that Caitlin was so unguarded around Ronnie. Her smile was wider than he had ever seen it when she was around Ronnie. Barry just guessed that he had become so accustomed to seeing that smile directed at him that he found it hard to come to terms with the fact that someone else was on the receiving end of Caitlin Snow's million watt smile. The Caitlin he has worked so hard to bring out just seemed insignificant in front if the Caitlin that was there in Ronnie's presence.

Barry had been pushed to the back burner since Ronnie's return and he didn't like playing second fiddle to someone who wasn't there when Caitlin needed him most. Maybe this was why he was feeling like this. He couldn't fathom how Caitlin could let Ronnie back in so suddenly after all she had gone through. He and Caitlin had a special connection. They were drawn together by their mutual heart break. That wasn't a bond that could be broken so easily.

But was Caitlin's heart still broken now that Ronnie was back? Would she still be there to counsel Barry when the burdens of the world seemed too much for him to bear? Would Caitlin still offer her shoulder for him to cry on when he wasn't fast enough to save someone? Would Caitlin still be his? Was this what jealously felt like? Was he justified in this feeling? Barry had never felt any romantic felling towards Caitlin before so why was he feeling like this now? He was supposed to be in love with Iris? Right?

This gallimaufry of questions swirled through his head.

Barry could understand how Caitlin fell for Ronnie and his palaver. He was leagues above Barry in every way possible. Handsome, smart, charming everything Barry wasn't. He was a brunet version of Eddie.

"Barry."

Barry swore he heard someone say his name.

"Barry." the voice called again but this time he felt a hand on his shoulder. Barry was woken from his daydreaming to see Ronnie standing in front of him looking a little concerned.

"Are you okay?" Ronnie asked.

"What?" Barry asked before the meaning of Ronnie's question finally registered, "Oh…yea. Just a little tired I guess."

"You deserve to be." Ronnie replied giving Barry one of his charming grins that no doubt had girl swooning all over, "You've been through a lot these past few days."

And this was why Barry hated how he was feeling right now, because even though Ronnie wasn't there for Caitlin before he was here now and he was a pretty nice guy. He was someone who was rather hard to hate, even if he looked like the quarter back that used to bully him in high school.

Barry managed to plaster goofy grin on his face. "We've all been through a lot."

"Yea I guess you're right." Ronnie said nodding his head. Barry noticed that after Ronnie spoke his cool demeanor began to slip. The other man seemed suddenly nervous.

"Are you sure you're okay Ronnie." Barry asked, praying to every God above that nothing was wrong with Ronnie, if only for Caitlin's sake.

"Yea….It's just…..can I speak to you in private outside?" Ronnie asked. Barry nodded in consent and followed Ronnie outside to the patio.

Once outside and out of hearing range Ronnie began to speak. "Listen Barry I just want to thank you for everything."

"Hey it wasn't a big deal. And you guys kind of saved yourselves, I was just the distraction." Barry sheepishly replied.

Ronnie smiled at Barry innocence, "I wasn't talking about saving Dr. Stein although thanks for that too. I was talking about what you've done for Caitlin."

Barry immediately stiffened at the mention of Caitlin's name. It seemed ironic to him how mere minutes ago he was pondering on the state of his relationship with Caitlin now that Ronnie was back and now here was Ronnie talking about that very relationship.

Ronnie continued to speak when he realised that Barry was going to contribute verbally, "I know I wasn't there for her after the explosion and everything and I'm glad she had someone like you to lean on for support."

Damn it. How was Barry supposed to hate Ronnie when he comes and says something as nice as that?

"It's nothing." Barry tried faking indifference at the comment.

"No it isn't." Ronnie replied solemnly, no hint of humor in his voice, "Considering that you had just woken up from a nine month coma to find your entire world upside down, it wasn't nothing."

Barry scratched the back of his head and gave Ronnie a lopsided grin.

"Well…..'

Ronnie gave an amused huff and shook his head, "Caitlin wasn't lying when she said you were too nice to realise it." Upon hearing that Caitlin talked about him, Barry's heart rate quickened.

"You've been a great friend to her all this time and I am eternally grateful to you Barry Allen for what you've done." Ronnie expressed.

"Don't." Barry said with an equally serious tone, "This wasn't one sided. Caitlin's been there for me in some tough times as well. She's been there for me just as much as I've been there for her. There isn't anything in the is world I wouldn't do for her or for Cisco."

"That's good because there's something I want to ask you." Ronnie said.

"Shoot."

"I need you to promise to protect her."

Barry stared at Ronnie and blinked a few times. He clearly didn't hear Ronnie properly.

"What?"

"You heard me. I'm not going to be here Barry and I can only leave knowing that my Cait is safe. The only person who can ensure that is you." Ronnie said sombrely. He moved a few steps closet to Barry and gripped him by his shoulder, "I need you to promise me you'll protect her Barry. Can you promise me that?"

Barry didn't even need a second to think. Of course he'd protect Caitlin. He'd spend his last breath to protect her. There was no question about it.

"I swear nothing will ever hurt her." Barry replied, "Physically or emotionally."

The determination Ronnie saw in Barry's eyes set his mind at ease. He was sure that Barry would keep his word and protect Caitlin with every fiber of his being.

"Thank you Barry. I know this isn't part of your job description." Ronnie said.

"This isn't a job, it's a privilege." Barry explained.

Ronnie smiled at Barry and gave his shoulder a light squeeze before making his way back inside to say his final goodbyes.

When all had been said and done everyone gathered outside to see Ronnie and Dr. Stein depart. Another round of hugs had to be done before they could leave though. Barry watched as Caitlin embraced Ronnie, her face buried in his chest and his arms encircling her, caging her from the cruel world. When they finally detached from each other Ronnie came over to Barry. The looked at each other for a second silently communicating through their eyes before Ronnie pulled Barry into a warm brotherly hug. While they embraced each other Ronnie whispered, "Protect my princess Barry. She's all I have worth living for in this world."

When they separated Barry nodded at Ronnie and any tension Ronnie had been feeling dissipated.

As they all watched Ronnie and Stein take off Barry reflected on his word to Ronnie. He would keep his word to the other man. He would watch over Caitlin, whatever the circumstances he would be there for her.

It would indeed be his privilege.

**A boat load of angst and emotions here.**

**Don't hate me for writing in favor of SnowStorm I'm still a firm SnowBarry shipper. **

**Special thanks to Airsay and ISeeItIShipIt for reviewing my last chapter. Love you guys!**

**Read and Review! **


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